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I’m feeling a bit reflective this week. It all started with a phrase uttered during a brief phone conversation last week. The individual on the other end had just shared news of a heart-wrenching situation he is in and it set off a train of thought. The phrase was, “it is what it is.”
The first time I heard that phrase it was from a dear friend whose sister was terminally ill. This friend is one of the bravest and strongest people I know and she seems to be given more than any human being could possibly handle – on a regular basis. By that, I don’t mean the dramas we all create in our lives. I mean the things that happen to us and are beyond our control. What never ceases to amaze me is the grace with which she handles everything that is thrown at her. She never falters, she is always positive and she finds joy and happiness in her life even when things are bleakest. She is an inspiration.
She is also someone who never finds her problems to be more important than anyone else’s. I have often heard her say, “just because what you are dealing with isn’t life and death – your stresses and problems are still real and still important.” In other words, she can see past her own crisis and doesn’t trivialize what’s going on in anyone else’s life. Rather amazing if you ask me.
I would imagine if you looked at your own circle of friends and acquaintances you would find you have at least one or two people you’ve known who embody the strength and compassion of my friend. These are individuals who to a stranger seem to have the world by the tail – when in reality, they have experienced things none of us would choose. Yet they soldier on – they don’t allow their challenges to define them. They understand that there are things that they cannot control and do their best not to allow those things to make them bitter or angry. Sure, to their inner circle they may rail against the injustice of the situation – but to the rest of us – it is what it is.
I’m frequently amazed by the strength of the human spirit. Human beings are so resilient – we seem to bounce back, to learn from our mistakes and only get stronger with each new challenge. In fact I think it’s those things that could break us that actually bring out our best. And when faced with those situations, illness, divorce, job loss, death of a loved one – we muster our reserves and find our way. Maybe it’s because we have no control – because our choices are to curl up in a ball or take to our beds or simply stop, that we do the opposite. When faced with “it is what it is” we accept and do our best.
What about the rest of the time? Have you ever noticed that our smaller dramas – the things we want or create – real things but not soul-shattering things can bring out the worst in people? You know what I mean – the little every day stuff that piles up. Perhaps it’s because we aren’t required to muster all our strength, we have less inclination to dig in deep. Or maybe we don’t know how strong, powerful and resilient we are until we are truly challenged.
As a Pilates instructor, I learn things about my clients that the rest of the world doesn’t know. I am often aware of the big and small challenges they face, their triumphs, and disappointments too. And of course I’m aware of their physical challenges and where their bodies are when we begin our relationship. One of my greatest joys is to watch grown up bodies – many of them into middle age and beyond – rebound from years of physical pounding – from accidents and child birth and illness and stresses beyond reason. Week by week these bodies show up – they do the work and they get stronger and stronger. I joke that they are becoming freakishly strong – but really it’s no joke. The power they gain is simply amazing.
One of the things I love about Pilates is that I believe that power – or recognizing we are so powerful can inform every part of our lives. Each one of us has unimaginable strength – we just don’t always call on it. If we did – there would be no challenge we couldn’t meet.
I don’t know about you, but it’s important for me to remember that the minutia in my life is just that – that the real struggles won’t be more than I can handle and that above all else – I am freakishly strong. And guess what my friends – you are too.