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We’re going to talk about sex today. (Mom – I’m on Skype right now – stop reading and we’ll visit instead – this won’t be very interesting anyway.) Okay – so about sex. I was speaking with a beloved client this week and we were lamenting the fact that, as neither of us are in relationships, we aren’t having any sex. We bitched and moaned about it a bit and how unfair it is that there wasn’t a lovely man in either of our lives if for no other reason, than because we each deserve a fabulous sex life. This conversation continued and led to others over the next few days. And my rant began to build –so fasten your seatbelt my friends.
I’ll start by a little piece of information that keeps popping into my consciousness. I’ve heard from about four different sources over the last few months much about the things we need to do in order to live longer and be our healthiest. Sometimes this information comes in the guise of “risk factors” for aging or a shorter lifespan. Other times it’s related to being as healthy as possible. And here and there it’s been associated with women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond and a loss of sex drive. Each time, I’m told to exercise regularly, eat a well balanced and nutritious diet, manage my stress, wear my seat belt, do monthly breast exams (for men have regular prostate exams), be a non-smoker, have no more than one alcoholic beverage a day and get plenty of sleep. I’m also told that I need to have a healthy sex life. And by the way, “Dr. Oz” very specifically states that the “do it yourself” variety does not count.
My frustration level increases each time this information is presented to me. I wear my seatbelt, have never smoked, don’t drink much, eat primarily whole foods, exercise regularly, do breast exams, manage my stress and try to sleep at least eight hours a night. These are things I can control. Do you see where I’m going here?
I’ll layer onto all of that the fact that for years I’ve been hearing from friends and clients that they don’t have sex anymore – women who are in loving, happy, committed relationships. Their reasons range from no sex drive or pain during intercourse to not high enough on the priority list of things to do. I’ve always struggled with understanding this. Now keep in mind that I am not and never have been the mother of an infant and a few toddlers – all of whom want something from me and are hanging on me all day long. But it’s hard for me to imagine sleeping next to the person I love each night and not – well – taking advantage of that. I’ll take it one step further and just say I can’t imagine having no sex drive. But I have had empathy all the same. I encourage them to determine the source of pain or disinterest and get help in fixing it. What I have frequently heard in response to this is – it’s just not that important.
Well guess what? Reread the second paragraph – it is that important – not just to your health, but to the health of your partner too – and I can only imagine it wouldn’t hurt the health of your relationship. But what in the world does this have to do with Pilates? Well, my theory on our body – our muscles – our hearts and our brains is that if you don’t use it – you’ll lose it and that anything worth doing takes practice. So think about this – you have this amazing and beautiful body (don’t you dare try to tell me your body isn’t beautiful) – if you had pain when you used your right hand – you would seek treatment to resolve it — right? If you stopped having any interest in using your right hand, you would look into it – right? If you didn’t have time to use your right hand you would consider reprioritizing – right? I’m just saying.
One of the interesting things I’ve found since I began teaching is the number of clients who come to me and tell me that their sex life has improved tremendously after beginning a Pilates program. This doesn’t surprise me. Think of this – if through Pilates you increase your flexibility, become stronger, feel and see muscles you haven’t before and become more body aware, doesn’t it make sense that sex will be better? I wonder – if Pilates was marketed in that fashion would the whole world finally try it?
Here’s the thing. We have all kinds of excuses in our life. We have excuses for eating horribly. We have excuses for not exercising or getting enough sleep. We have excuses for why we “can’t” do everything that’s good for us. For you, is sex one of those things? If so, what’s your excuse and why aren’t you doing something about it? Maybe it’s like an exercise program – you know – that thing you know is good for you but you just don’t feel like doing? And if it is – think about how great you feel after you’re done – endorphins are pumping, you feel like you’ve done something good for yourself, etc.
So I’ll continue to eat well, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, wear my seatbelt, floss, and work on my stress level. As for you, if you are in a committed relationship – maybe you should just do it. And if you don’t feel like it – for cripes sake – think of those of us without and take one for the team!