I’ve think I’ve talked about change dozens of times in this blog, but it seems to be the one constant in my life. Perhaps it’s because most clients come to me looking for and ready for a change. They want to change their bodies or lifestyles and Pilates is an unbelievable change agent. I think it’s not just what happens physically – but also how it informs other parts of our life.

But how do you know you are ready for Pilates? I sometimes get frustrated when I meet a body (with person attached) who very obviously needs Pilates (let me explain that last phrase – to me – “needs Pilates” is about how you are using your body, how you hold yourself and move, how your body functions) decides he/she is not “ready for Pilates.” I get even more frustrated when a client whose body I see responding wonderfully to Pilates decides to give it up. I take it personally – not because of the loss of business but because I can see what Pilates can do for them or is doing for them. I want the world for them and I can see them walking away from the opportunities.

But I learned a long time ago that I cannot determine who is ready for Pilates. We all have to make our own decisions and do what we think is best at any given time. But when is it time to trust something different?

When I was in my 20s I decided I needed to start working out and eating right. My mother had a heart attack and I decided I could change my life then – or worry about heart disease at 40. By the way, 40 seemed very, very far into the future! I began running and doing the Stairmaster and biking and lifting weights. I also changed my eating habits. I ate a very low fat diet and I was militant! This worked for a while. I was in great shape. Then I ruined my knee. Running, biking, Stairmaster and lifting were great for muscle-tone and cardiovascular health – but even with great personal trainers, there wasn’t anyone telling me how to actually use my body correctly to keep it safe during all those things. You see, running, biking, even machines like the Stairmaster are good for your body – but only if you are using your body correctly first.

In my 30s I switched to walking for cardio health, began to really fuel my body correctly and discovered Pilates. Suddenly, I had the body I always wanted – lean, long muscles – energy to burn and a feeling of power I cannot describe. As the decade progressed, I became more in touch with my body and my spirit and made other changes in my life. I changed my career, address, and how I lived. And I discovered I was allergic to gluten.

That brought on a period of not fueling my body correctly, taking better care of clients than me and feeling like I wasn’t on track. This wasn’t the “not on track” of my early 20s – it just wasn’t the way I felt at the start of my Pilates career. And so it’s been. I’ve learned how to create the life I want to live and to take care of myself before my business. I’ve learned to say no. I’ve learned to listen to what I need and to act accordingly. But somewhere along the way, I didn’t notice that fueling my body in my 40s needs to be different than it was in my 30s. This isn’t all about what I look like or my dress size – it’s about having enough energy to live my life in the fashion I want to – about being my healthiest and most energetic.

So last week I met with a dietician for the first time in my life. Clarifying – I’ve gone to nutritionists, to wellness doctors, to trainers – but never to a registered dietician. So a week ago, I spent two hours talking about eating. I spilled what I like to eat, what I hate to eat, when I eat, when I don’t eat and on and on and on. Just having that conversation caused some light bulbs to go off (turns out I haven’t cooked in almost 10 weeks because my apartment is too hot to use the stove or oven). I knew I needed to make a change, but until that conversation, I hadn’t realized what had been going wrong. And then a few days later we met again.

I walked away with a plan to implement: a plan to fuel my body for my lifestyle in my 40s. And now, I’m living that plan. And my friends, change is not easy! But having a plan, asking an expert to look at my habits from the outside and using her knowledge to create that plan is the key to my wellness that I couldn’t do on my own.

I could have done this differently. I could have studied some books – there has got to be some book written specifically for very active single female sugaraholics in their 40s with celiac disease, an avocado allergy, a small business and a dislike for chicken and beets, right? Am I making my point?

So in the midst of all of this, I had two new clients start – one a man in his early 40s and the other a twenty-something mother of a 10 month old. They are both ready for change. They are both ready to try something different and get different results. They each have absolutely beautiful bodies – but they want to feel better – they want to begin now to use their bodies correctly and so they have come to me to be the “expert” on the outside looking in. They are ready for Pilates just as I am ready to consider more protein and fat in my diet.

For those of you who continue to try one size fits all classes, somebody else’s nutrition plan or even simply finds that what used to work doesn’t seem to anymore, consider that you deserve to have a team of experts in your life. You deserve to have them study and consider what is best for you. When you find them, allow them to help you make a change and commit to it. Once you do, I guess that’s how you’ll know you are ready…for Pilates or anything else.

I sort of hate this question. I’m sure in part because I want to teach everyone! But also because I know there is so much good Pilates instruction out there and there is at least as much bad Pilates instruction out there. Of the bad, I’m always hopeful it’s just “ineffective” bad Pilates and not “dangerous” bad Pilates. And then there are the videos…So today is all about how to find a Pilates instructor and if you can’t, how you can do Pilates on your own.

Let’s talk about finding an instructor first. There are two basic schools of thought in Pilates: Classical and Contemporary.  The primary (and in my eyes most important) difference between the two is in the placement of your spine. In Classical Pilates, you “imprint” or flatten your low back (lumbar spine) to the floor. In Contemporary Pilates, you practice a “neutral spine” – which means you respect the natural curves of your spine.

I am Contemporarily trained. The reason I sought this training and teach in this style is because to me, it is basic common sense. As I explain to potential clients, if we want our body to hold itself upright in a strong and supported fashion, we have to build equal strength all around our spine. To me it makes sense to build long, lean muscles in the front (our entire abdominal wall) and the same long, lean muscles in the back. If I am pressing my low back into the floor when I do abdominal exercises, the floor is supporting my flattened back. I’m not using the muscles in my lumbar spine as they will be needed in my everyday life. I’m also not training myself to use and hold my pelvis correctly. It simply doesn’t make any sense to me. What I have learned through my own body and those I’ve taught is that a core trained to respect the curves of the spine becomes the true center of your being. You stand taller, much of chronic back pain disappears, head and neck issues are relieved, and athletes increase their power and endurance as their arms and legs work out of a strong core instead of trying to do everything on their own. Am I making any sense? Add to that, I believe that a body trained this way is much prettier.

Obviously, I have strong feelings about this. But I also have great respect for Classically trained instructors, and the beauty of Classical Pilates. I guess the point is, you need to understand what you are looking for and why. You need to have a reason to be doing the style of Pilates you practice. So the first thing you are going to do when looking for an instructor is determine if you want Classical or Contemporary Pilates. If you aren’t sure, go meet some instructors. Ask them why they teach the way they do. Ask them what the results will be for your body. Find out if this method is best for you and make sure it makes sense to you. I practice and teach the style I do because it simply is the only thing that makes sense to me.

So since I’ve already started on questions to ask – let’s finish that line of thought with a bunch of questions you might ask and what I feel are the answers you should look for.

1. Contemporary or Classical and why
2. Who did you train with? Make sure it’s a real Pilates education system. The teacher should know their “lineage” and why they chose to be a part of that lineage. And just because it’s a name you heard on QVC doesn’t mean it’s a good program – do some research.
3. How many hours did you train over what length of time? Look for someone who has at least 400 hours if you are looking at mat and reformer – double that if it’s all apparatus. It should be over 4-6 months or more – I personally don’t like programs where you go for a weekend and then go back a month or two later. Julian Littleford for example trains teachers over three long, hard months in his studio in San Diego. Both he and the students are making a commitment and are immersed. After about 8 months in the studio where I eventually trained as a three times a week client, I went through a four month intensive program. Every Saturday and frankly, four other nights a week in that studio, watching, doing and practice teaching. And I still finished barely knowing anything!
4.  Did you do an apprenticeship? An instructor who really cares about honing their craft is going to work in a studio system that practices the same style for at least a year before they do anything on their own.
5. How many years have you been teaching? Use this one loosely. Sometimes a brand new teacher is going to care so much about doing the best they can for you, what they lack in years of experience they will make-up for in commitment and attention to detail.
6. How often do you get Continuing Education Hours (CEC)? This is about finding great instruction to continuously work on being a better teacher. Our job as teachers is to continue to grow and learn. In my view, once a teacher finishes that first year of teaching, at least one workshop a year is important. And you want someone who seeks education from a variety of styles and schools/instructor. Also, your teacher should be doing and taking Pilates on a regular basis. You can’t teach what you don’t do so also ask how many times a week they practice Pilates on their own.
7. Are you a professional Pilates teacher or do you teach other forms of exercise as well? I believe in Pilates so much that I couldn’t do anything but teach it. I am that committed and feel that strongly about the method. Personally, I want a teacher who is a Pilates teacher. But again, this is up to you – just know what you want and why.
8. Are you a member of Pilates Method Alliance? This isn’t necessarily critical, but it will give you a feel for if they look for connections to the greater Pilates world.
9. Who are you insured with? Make sure your instructor is insured. Again, if he/she is taking this job seriously as a professional instructor, they should hold insurance.
10. How many people are there in a mat class? How many in a reformer class? Do not, I repeat, do not take a mat class with more than 12 people in it! Don’t take a reformer class with more than eight. And for the record, my preference is no more than 10 in a mat class, no more than 6 in a reformer.
11. Do you do Pilates with the students? I believe that we cannot instruct and do at the same time. You want an instructor who demonstrates a new exercise and then is on their feet, cueing, correcting and adjusting you during each exercise. You are paying for this and if they are on their back or in the front of the room, they can’t see what you are doing. I believe as an instructor that I should physically touch and cue each student during each exercise. If someone isn’t touching you, you’re not getting the best instruction you can.
12. Will you give me an hour of your time to demonstrate the style you teach and take me through your philosophy? I am willing to give any potential client an hour of my time. This is the job interview. Would you hire someone to take care of your kids who you hadn’t spent an hour interviewing and are you paying people during the interview? Didn’t think so.
13. When you interview – see what they notice about and teach you about your body. If you don’t walk away knowing more than you walked in with – they may not be right for you.
14. Make sure there is a personality fit. This is personal work and you need to trust them.
15. If you decide on an instructor and at any time you feel like you aren’t safe or you feel uncomfortable with a movement or exercise, please ask for a modification. Do not allow anyone to put your body in a position that feels “wrong” and if they won’t offer a modification or you feel uncomfortable, get up and walk out! Your healthy and safe body is worth any discomfort you or they might feel for that moment.

Okay – so videos….Hate them! I cannot recommend a video. But if you call me, I’ll privately tell you the videos to stay the hell away from. That said, if you need to do Pilates on your own, you have some resources. There are some great books that take you through exercises and now some on-line resources too. The point is that most videos move too quickly for you to ever “get it.” I’ve never found one that goes into the detail needed without an instructor to do the exercise correctly and if you are watching a video – your head, neck and shoulders are already in the wrong position. The better method is to get some books, read and try the exercises, look at the same exercises on-line and then create your own program and do it at your own pace (read: slower than you could ever imagine!!!). Your job is to find the work in your core. Your job is to learn to use your body correctly and to become body aware. I just don’t see that as a possibility with a video on. The on-line videos will teach you one exercise or one series. They will take you through correct and incorrect positioning and hopefully tell you what you should feel and where. You can watch a video clip a dozen or more times and try it and try it and try it again until you feel like you are learning how to do that specific exercise. My suggestion if you are trying to learn Pilates without an instructor would be to partner with a friend. One of you should practice the movement while the other watches to see if it looks the way the video or book illustration does. Remember, your perception of how you are moving and using your body is probably not reality – so uses someone else’s eyes and get it right.

If you don’t have the time or money to go to a studio on a regular basis and need to practice Pilates at home, I believe your best option is to purchase a good book, then splurge on a few privates with a good instructor who you hire specifically to teach you the exercises (or some of the exercises) in the book. Have them teach a series of 10 o so exercises to give you a basic, all-over workout. Go back two or three days later for the exact same thing. Then the third time, bring a tape recorder and have them instruct you in the exercises while you audio record their cues. Go home and work on it for a month and go back at least one more time and have them check you to see what you are doing wrong. You could do this once a quarter or share the cost and recording with a friend. And eventually, have your own little library of Pilates audio tapes that are tailored to you.

As for books and on-line options I’ll give you two solid suggestions. Any and all books by Alan Herdman will be perfect for you. He explains how and why and uses real photos, not drawings to illustrate right and wrong. He has one book in particular called “Pilates Plus” that is supposed to be for those over 50. I am telling you – every age human being will learn from and benefit from this book. I also like “The Pilates Directory” if you can find it in print. A new favorite instructor of mine is coming out with a book soon called “Pilates Illustrated” – her  name is Portia Page and she’s on staff at Balanced Body University as well as elsewhere.

As for on-line options – my best suggestion is to go to Balanced Body’s website (www.pilates.com)and watch the podcasts via YouTube. The podcast link is both on the home page and on the site map. This is good, clear instruction and it is free. You may need to sift through apparatus versus mat work, but much of what I teach on the mat is actually apparatus work (using just your own body). So as you are getting the principles, you could try some of the same motions without a reformer, chair or barrel and see what it feels like. Portia is on this site as are a ton of other great instructors – but again, I like how she goes about her business – so check some of that out.

Finally, if you want more information, if you need to sift through some thoughts in your hood or want to talk Pilates, I am a resource. E-mail me at polaspilates@yahoo.com and put “find an instructor blog post” in the subject line and I’ll do what I can.

Pilates is for everyone but all Pilates is not created equal – so use your common sense and trust your gut. It’s your job to take the best care of your body possible – make sure whatever team you hire believes that’s their job too.

The set-up for you is as follows: 16 teams of two were randomly paired yesterday morning for seven challenges in and around City Park.

My partner was a very nice man who I’m happy to say knows City Park and the surrounding area. We introduced ourselves and hit the ground running. We were told that the race should take between one hour and 90 minutes. We had a mental challenge, ran through the park from site to site, walked on stilts together and pushed each other (up hill) on little scooter things, ran from one end of the Denver Zoo to the other searching for animals (that damn little water snake and those freaking birds!) and finished back at the start where we opted out of Rocky Mountain Oysters (if you aren’t from here – they are not from the sea – google it) and shared some squid. Almost three hours after the start, I dragged my sweaty, grimy, scraped up self back to our friends’ penthouse for champagne and lunch. Prizes were awarded. My team was disqualified.

The adventure, the company and the party were all a blast. But it made me think about challenges, races and both what we put into and get out of those things. It also made me think about what winning means.

It think that over the past few years, the word “challenge” has kind of taken on a negative connotation. We describe difficult people as “challenging.” We are told that we should describe things about us that might not be our best personality traits as “challenges.” But maybe we should call those things what they are and start considering challenges to be something we look forward to and embrace. For me, being a better teacher is a constant challenge – but it’s one I embrace and look forward to. I’ll never be the best teacher I can be – it’s going to be a lifelong challenge and that’s part of what makes it exciting. Creating the life I want to live and staying aware of the things, people and activities which allow me to be my best person require I stay vigilant and present in my life. That too is a challenge I readily accept.

As for racing, well, I’ve never considered myself competitive in a traditional fashion. I was not athletic as a child or teenager. I had some things I was good at that I suppose put me in a position of competing, but the reality is that I think I’ve always been competing with myself for whoever it is I think I’m supposed to be. That’s a tough one because it’s difficult to win a race against oneself. I was always trying to get someplace first. The problem was that when I arrived – I had already determined that my original goal wasn’t good enough and so, the race continued. I believe I was trying to sprint everyplace and that when I got to the finish line I would be happy. Not being the brightest bulb in the pack, it took me decades to recognize that being happy, enjoying the route and taking on things that are achievable is the race I’m running and winning each day. I had to learn that I was the only one keeping score in my race against me and that readjusting the route was both my privilege and my responsibility. At that same time, taking on things that are scary, new or daunting will lead me down new and interesting paths in my race.

I see all of this in my friends and clients all the time. On the Pilates front, my job is to shake up their world and give them new challenges each time I see them. But it’s also my job to set them up to succeed. I have to recognize the fine line between something that will be difficult for an individual body to take on and something that will break them. My job is to stimulate the body, brain and idea of how strong a client believes he/she is. My job is not to kill them, hurt them or cause them to fail. What I find each week is a group of people who insist something is “impossible” or inform me that they “couldn’t do it” when, in reality, they just did, rendering it both possible and something they are able to do.  But sometimes the “plan” has to change on a dime – the course has to be altered because of what I see, hear or feel in their bodies along the way.

This past week, one of my clients came in and informed me of an injury and a decision she’s made based on that. She was training for a marathon and believes she has a stress fracture in her foot. She’s been dealing with the pain for a few weeks and over the weekend finally accepted that it was serious and that she needed to stop running and allow it to heal. This woman is a seriously inspiring person, athlete and competitor. She makes me want to work harder, train harder and be as much like her as I can. In my eyes, her decision to respect her body and drop out of the marathon was the most inspirational thing she’s ever done. She took control of the situation, made the right decision for her body and future wellness and didn’t worry about what anyone else would think. She looked at the situation and decided that her race was now about meeting the challenge of healing her injury. This challenge might not always be fun – but it will be exciting, make her stronger in the long run, and give those who look up to her an example to participate in the amazing race that is their life first, and all those other little things that come and go second. I was more proud of her than I’ve ever been in anyone in my life.

Back to this past weekend and the “amazing race” party. I mentioned that my team was disqualified, but even so, I feel like I won. I had a great little adventure with someone I would have never otherwise spent three hours with. I met some delightful new people. I certainly took myself out of my comfort zone and tried some new things (but not Rocky Mountain Oysters). And in being disqualified, I would like to think that we didn’t lose the race, we simply ran it in a fashion that was all our own.

I spent the weekend before last at a three day Pilates workshop. The event was here in Denver and put on by my favorite apparatus manufacturer – Balanced Body. I’m not sure how many years BB has been bringing Pilates on Tour to major cities, but they do an amazing job. I attended my first Pilates on Tour four winters ago. It was life altering. The second was as impactful but in a different way.

The first time I attended one of those events I returned home from knowing that something wasn’t right in my Pilates world and my personal life. I couldn’t put my finger on what the issue was, but all of that Pilates made me focus on myself and my practice and all that focus made me face some things I was ignoring. The end result was closing my studio and relocating to Denver.

This year I didn’t identify some buried issue or source of discontent. But I did become super energized by the unbelievable instructors and staff I came into contact with and at the same time reconnected with my Pilates roots. I learned an exercise or two I would have never thought of, I tried out a brand new piece of apparatus (that I’m obsessed with!) and I found a community  (finally) in Denver of like-minded contemporarily trained instructors who like me, were craving education and colleagues.

After one of these workshop weekends it takes me days, weeks or even months to digest everything I heard, saw and experienced. I haven’t begun teaching any of the new things I learned, but already last Monday I found myself changing and shifting some of the mat classes I teach – my creativity seems to be on the upswing and I have been reminded of some incredible cues that were part of my first weeks, months and year as a Pilates teacher.

I also have five or six women I’m anxious to take Pilates from and teach Pilates to. I’m excited to have this common language with someone I can get to in less than an hour and to have found some local friends who share my passion and can continue to help make me a better teacher.

As far as the instructors I took Pilates from – at first I found myself a bit awed by how much better they are (than me) at both their own practice and teaching. I get nervous prior to taking Pilates from these masters because my insecurities scream that I’m not good enough to take Pilates from them. Ridiculous I know but I don’t want to “waste” their time. What I forget is that these are teachers. And no matter what my level, they are there to teach. Then I get to the workshops or classes and I realize I know more than I think – I’m better at teaching and doing Pilates than my insecurities might suggest. And my initial awe over their experience and skill quickly turns to desire to be as skilled and experienced.

Next week I’ll share some ideas, tell you about my apparatus and perhaps give you some new ways to work on your body. But for now I want to share just two or three ideas.

1. Nora St. John says, “Engage your core. Do the chore.” Think of that before you lift the baby, run the base, climb the hill (or mountain), start the race or run the sweeper.
2. Think of neutral spine as a balanced effort front and back. And a position that requires “honoring all the curves of your spine.”
3. Marie Jose-Blom spoke the truest words I’ve ever heard, “Breathing is the first step to freedom.”

So my friends, honor the curves of your spine, don’t be afraid of not being good enough at anything you are willing to try or anything (or anyone!) you have a passion for, and breathe. Just breathe.

I can remember being extremely stressed as I made this move – more stressed than I had been for any of the half dozen or so moves I made during my marketing/advertising career. I guess it was because I was taking such a chance. When I moved for a marketing job, I always had a salary, a move allowance, and some ready-made acquaintances and clients in place. This move was so different. I was essentially on my own, moving into an apartment that I had rented through Craig’s List – sight-unseen, and there were some leads and studios to begin the process of finding a teaching opportunity, but nothing guaranteed.

I knew I wanted to be back in Denver, I knew this was the only place I had ever lived where I felt at home in my own skin, but five years is a long time to be gone from a place and I was really starting from scratch. I also had no income or way to spend my days – aside from trying to find teaching opportunities – or way to naturally meet new people.

This was the first time in my life – really – in my life- that I didn’t have a plan. I was flying by the seat of my pants and I was terrified! But I knew that as much as I loved teaching my studio clients in Ohio, I simply wasn’t happy there. I felt trapped by owning the studio. I craved more education, colleagues and the ability to impact more people and bodies than I could in the studio as I had designed it. Prior to starting to teach full-time I had realized that my motto was “Leap and the net will appear.” This was the closest I had ever come to working completely without a net.

During the first six months here, I was frequently lonely, afraid and needy in a way I never had been before. I felt very vulnerable and put an enormous amount of pressure on the few friends and acquaintances I had here to get me through this process. But the fact was, as much as I looked outside myself for happiness, they couldn’t help. I was truly on my own and had to create the life I wanted to live.

It was about this time that it seems everyone I met told me how “brave” I was. And it was about this same time that I began to think that “brave” and “stupid” might just be – in my case – the exact same thing!

The first two years were frankly so difficult I’m not exaggerating or being overly dramatic when I say that looking back, I cannot believe I survived them. But survive I did – and I grew. I learned a tremendous amount about myself and how to be happy. I learned about what I need and how to put myself first. I learned to appreciate the quiet and serene and that I don’t want drama in my life – just to live a small, quiet life doing what I love. I learned that finding what you love can be as big of a blessing as finding “who” you love and that getting to do that for a living is an amazing blessing that most of the planet won’t get to experience. I learned that when I’m not true to myself or try to be something I’m not, I get into trouble. And I learned that if you open yourself up to good people and good things – you cannot help but have a beautiful life. And through these people, I’ve learned to take yet another leap — to accept help.

So four years after “leaping” – I continue to build what I affectionately call “the little business that could.” I know that if I stay true to myself and give my best to my clients daily, I will succeed financially. I believe I have already succeeded in every other way possible because of how and with whom I spend my days (and evenings my darling M/TH night people!).

This coming weekend, on the fourth anniversary of the closing of polaspilates Columbus, I’ll attend a really important workshop – paid for in part by gifts from a family member and two clients. I’ll bring home a studio reformer and combo chair (major Pilates apparatus) – paid for with an advance/loan from a client. And I’ll take the next step in this life I have and continue to create for myself.   

What can you learn from this? Maybe nothing. But maybe to dream of the life you want to live, to be open to things you cannot imagine, to not box yourself into a vision so specific that you don’t see the doors that are open to you or maybe – brave or stupid – that following your gut is sometimes the best you can do.

As for me, I’ll continue to do the best I can. Maybe I’m both brave and stupid. I guess the verdict is still out.

Then about a week ago, I got a call from the DJ telling me that they were playing my set in honor of Anita and that I had won tickets to – you guessed it – Carole King and James Taylor. Yippee!

The day before the show they called me again and told me I had won a drawing and was “upgraded” to VIP status and new tickets were waiting at will call.

My friend Margie and I spent the evening at a table (think cabaret style) directly in front of the stage. I was close enough to Carole King to see how her eyes crinkled when she smiled. And I not only developed a huge crush on this woman, who in some ways reminded me so much of my oldest sister Gina that I wished the two could meet, but I also became inspired by her, and inspired to be more like her. Here are some of the reasons why….

Carole King began as a songwriter. The story they tell is that in the late 60s, as an accomplished and successful songwriter, James Taylor convinced her to take the stage and sing her own songs. This woman was already a success and took a chance to try something outside her comfort zone – to dare to follow her dream as far as she could. She took a chance and won.

Carole King is about 68 years old. She is still writing, singing and performing – she hasn’t “retired” or stopped following her passion because she’s at “retirement age” or financially doesn’t need to work. She is still out there in her late sixties sharing her passion with the world. She’s taking chances and she’s bringing her music to both old fans and new ones. Doing what you love means not considering “retiring” from your passion.

Carole King has a smile that can light up a room. She spent about three hours on stage grinning from ear-to-ear. She looked and sounded effortless and like she was having the time of her life. She seemed to not only light up her fellow performers, but also the entire room. I think many of the people at the show went to see James Taylor – they left crazy for Carole King. Inspiration: Allowing the joy you have in life to bubble up out of you is contagious – it is a gift to others. I think adults frequently tamp down their childish joy in life because we have serious issues, problems and lives. Laughing big and often, getting emotional in a joyful way, dancing with abandon even when we aren’t good dancers, and sharing that joy with even complete strangers are the keys to true joy.

Carole King is quite obviously a very affectionate person. She seemed to have a special touch for every band member and every member of the stage crew she with whom she came into contact. She was unafraid of reaching out to them and sharing some simple touch or contact. She hugged James Taylor more times than I could count and you could tell she hugged like she meant it. The best part of the night was each time he picked this tiny woman off the ground in a great big hug. How often do we hold back with friends, family or someone who touches us in some way. I promise that your day will be better if you allow yourself to be affectionate with the people in your life and if when you hug, you hug like you mean it.

Carole King owns her look. Picture Carole King if you will – I can remember the frizzy curls from the album covers of the 70s – this is not the 68 year-old Carole King. This woman has gorgeous curls, looks like she wears no make-up but still has a finished, polished look, dresses in stylish – age appropriate fashion that she could move and look fabulous in – she looked effortless. To me, true beauty is embracing who you are – figuring out what works for you and how to be in your own skin and just do it! Beautiful is confident, energetic and having the ability to let your own beauty show through.

Carole King seemed genuinely surprised by how the crowd responded to her. This was not the first stop on the tour – this was not her first time at the rodeo and yet, she seemed so surprised by the love, affection the crowd was expressing. This is a woman probably surpassed Diva status by 1980. Her peers bow to her, her fans worship her and yet she is still surprised by how a crowd responds to her. I don’t know that you can learn humility. Self-confidence is terribly attractive and I’m all for powerful women who know their own value, but a bit of humility and allowing yourself to be surprised by just how fabulous you are, well, that’s the kind of Diva we should all strive to be.

Carole King is a beautiful, inspirational woman who gives the impression that she’s taken the world by the Pilates balls and lived on her terms. And that my friends is the Diva I want to be!

There are those who become much more active than they are at any other time of the year and at the same time they seem to forget about food. They nibble on fruit and veggies while they work in the yard, walk the dogs more, play tennis or golf, and walk or run on a regular basis. This camp usually increases their fitness level and even loses weight in the summer.

Then there is the other camp. This group is still more active in the summer; they spend time outside doing all the same things as the first group. They eat great fruits and veggies, but they become much more social in the summer months, and the additional food, drink and lack of sleep that goes along with this more playful season causes this group to gain a few pounds. These are my people.

I’ve spent the last two months or so working my tail off (teaching my tail off – which I love), but also trying to regroup from my broken toe and the inactivity and few pounds I gained during those immobile months, and spending all my free time with friends – eating, drinking and gaining yet a few more pounds. How in the world can someone as active as I am gain ten pounds in three or four months? Well, when you are less than five feet tall and over 40, it doesn’t matter how active you are, you have to be vigilant about how many calories you put in and how many you use up. I, apparently, have not been vigilant lately.

I get really frustrated with myself when I sabotage my body. I know in my head that I don’t need that extra piece of or scoop of whatever, but I find myself reaching for it anyway. I call it mindless consumption. There isn’t enough exercise on the planet or enough hours in the day to make up for eating out (and to me, this means food I didn’t prepare) more than once a week. Add a glass of wine two or three of those nights and I’ve maybe added a thousand calories a week. Those calories are exceptionally evident on my hips, thighs and belly today. But that part isn’t really important. It’s the way they impact how I move, my speed and control when I’m doing cardio, how deep I can get into the muscle when I do Pilates. Added weight mucks with my performance and that, my friends pisses me off!

So what to do about it? Well, first step, stop with the mindless. Planning becomes a huge key to all of this. Taking the snacking foods out of my house – the nuts, the crackers, the hummus and chips – all of those things that when I’m not on my social rampage are fine, have to become no-no’s for now. Snack foods breed mindless eating. Next step, working on getting my friends to do things like go for a walk or a hike instead of out to dinner or lunch. That’s a tougher get as so much of my time with pals is an hour or two and usually in the evening. So maybe more decaf iced coffee and less wine?  Maybe an extra hour of cardio – or even an extra mile on the days when am going out to lunch or dinner. Taking my normal work out and ramping it up a bit. Step three, finding something to do with my hands that doesn’t include holding a wine glass or a fork when I’m out with friends. In the Diet Coke days, this was my go-to trick. I could have a Diet Coke and be very satisfied without putting in any calories. Anyone with a replacement suggestion for a no calorie, no preservative, no carbonation beverage that isn’t water and makes me as happy as a Diet Coke used to, write to me! My final step is saying out loud what I’m going to consume and sticking to it. Just because I’m staying up later, because it’s lighter, because I’m on the run more, doesn’t mean I need to have that extra snack or not plan my meals and execute them in regular intervals.

One of my clients who is in my “camp” decided the other day to set a new goal now. She’s going to lose another inch off her body by Thanksgiving. I loved that idea. Instead of waiting until fall or after the winter holidays, how about setting a physical goal that starts in mid-July and is achieved or surpassed by Thanksgiving? I’m going to give it a try. I’m going to get back to my pre-broken toe body before Thanksgiving. And then I’m wearing my adorable black suede pants (that I’m pretty sure wouldn’t be pretty today!) on Thanksgiving day.

What’s your plan for the next four months? What goal will you reach by Thanksgiving? And if you are of the first camp, how are you going to keep the good work habits you’ve got in place throughout the year?

Write down your goals. Write down your plans. And let’s meet back here at Thanksgiving. I’ll be the one in the black suede pants!

Every July 1^st, I wake up and think of one of the most influential people in my life. She was my sister Anita’s best friend through high school (and a bit beyond) and in my memory, she was one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. She had two little brothers, and maybe for that reason, I always remember her as being really very kind to me. For a while, her mother cut my hair (the Dorothy Hamel – not a great look for me – especially back then – think pre-teen w/round face and frizzy/curly hair in Ohio humidity) in their home salon.  I can remember she would poke her head in and tell me how cute it looked. It was a small thing but a big deal. She and my sister went to separate colleges, but remained very close. The summer that they were 20/21, I was doing a lot of babysitting and a most awkward 14-year-old. That was the summer Laura was killed by a drunk driver. I can still remember every moment of that night:  The phone ringing in the middle of the night; My sister being summoned to the hospital; Rising before six and listening to the radio all morning for more news; The picture in my head of my sister, sobbing in the kitchen chair that sat under the phone when she returned home, and then, wrapped in a towel fresh from the shower, sinking to the floor in the hallway crying as my mom said, “Honey, Laura died.” I can remember my sister chain smoking the rest of the summer and for quite a while after. And a combined feeling of disbelieve and such sorrow for her friends and family. And I can remember thinking that I would never, ever drive drunk.

I’m 43 years old and I have never gotten behind the wheel of a car intoxicated. My friends laugh about the fact that I can’t have more than a half a glass of wine (on a full stomach) if I am driving. I’m not telling you this to toot my own horn, “Oh look at me. Look how much better I am than everyone else.” I’m telling you about it because at the age of 14, that one event forever shaped my life and decision making process. You see, even in high school and college I remember thinking, “If I drive drunk, what if something happens?”  And even if I avoided tragedy, in my young mind, just the act of driving impaired seemed like a direct insult to Laura’s memory.

I made a choice at the age of 14 and have never questioned or regretted it. I’ve also never had a problem sticking to that decision. Frankly, when I go out to dinner, a party, or (in my bar days) to a bar, I know if I’ve driven or not. So there it is. I just don’t put myself in that position, right? That would be the obvious adult decision.

But it’s not the decision so many adults make. Yesterday, July 4^th there was an essay in The Denver Post by a woman named Diane Farr. She writes of the “accident” that occurred on July 3, 2005 when her best friend’s daughter, 7 –year-old Katie Flynn was killed as a drunk driver hit the limo she was in head on. The  family was returning home from her Aunt’s wedding, where Katie had been the flower girl. The story broke my heart and left me again thinking of Laura. Katie Flynn was born 17 years after Laura Porter died so needlessly and yet they both lost their lives because a grown up decided to drink, and drive a car.

How is it that we don’t get that it’s not okay to drive a car while impaired? We have to have campaigns to make us think about these things and to remind and convince us to make the right decision. How is this not obvious?

But it seems it’s not the only obvious things we have to be taught. I hear Oprah Winfrey did an entire campaign last year to get people (including celebrities, which it seems was supposed to get the rest of the world on board), to pledge to not “text and drive.” How is it that this isn’t the obvious choice for a grown up?

There is also another huge public service campaign called, “Don’t shake the baby.” The campaign is aimed at parents (not teen babysitters). And I can’t help but think to myself, isn’t that obvious? Aren’t these things logical and obvious decisions for adults?

So all of these things combine to beg the question, why is it so hard for us to decide to be a grown up? We all make mistakes. We all screw up from time to time. Part of life is getting things wrong. But being a grown up is taking responsibility for our actions. I harp so much about making good decisions for your body and I really feel that how we care for ourselves is our first and most important job as grown-ups. But if you clog your arteries with horrible food, never exercise, or destroy your joints in some fashion, that’s just between you and the people in your life. I’ve said before that we are choosing to take care of ourselves or choosing not to – but both are choices, even if they are subconscious. To me, eating properly, getting regular cardiovascular exercise and continuously working on not only my strength and flexibility, but also my mind, body and soul are choices as obvious as not drinking if I have my car, not texting while driving and not shaking a baby. I guess it’s about choosing to be a grown up. Nobody said it would always be easy to be a grown up and make those grown up decisions, but I am certain that choosing to be a grown up is something you will never regret.

And at the very least, if there is ever a question of taking that first beer on a night when you have your car or doing something equally stupid or dangerous, maybe you could simply imagine how much my sister Anita would have liked her daughters to have met her best friend Laura or how much Katie Flynn’s family would like to hold her in their arms again. And in that moment, please, choose to be a grown up.

This got me thinking about the order of things and learning from mistakes. It seems to me that in life, there are some things that don’t need or have a particular order, but others that depend on “what comes first.”

Think about that and the rules of things in life. Many of these things are obvious. You need to get offered a job before you show up for the first day of work. You must turn on the computer before you can use it. Your friend has to answer the phone before you can start having your conversation. But not everything is so obvious. Things like spraying the roses before you spray the plant the bugs are on might seem obvious now, but in theory, if the bugs weren’t eating the roses to begin with, why would you think they would start after you started killing them?  But once you’ve made the mistake, why wouldn’t you spray the roses first the next time?

And that’s where I am on the Pilates front this week. What comes first? Well, my friends, the first step is deciding you are ready to do Pilates. This means that you want to make a change in your life. Your body is not behaving the way you would like – it either isn’t strong enough, flexible enough or you are feeling aches and pains you didn’t in the past. Maybe you aren’t thrilled with your muscle tone or your weight or your ability to sit on the floor for hours at a time. Whatever the case, something has finally led you to the decision that you are ready for Pilates.

Next you find the right instructor and/or class for you. This might take time and there might be some misses. But it’s vital to find someone you connect with. I often tell people that I’m not the right instructor for everyone. Your instructor must be able to communicate effectively with you. They have to have the right energy level (some people like a very serious energy, others want total frenetic energy). They have to teach you in the way you learn and make that a priority. And you have to be able to commit to that person and their plan to move you through the process. And if you make a mistake, you need to correct it and move on to the next instructor.

Next you have to begin to learn the basics. This is all about starting to think of your body in a new way. There will be things you get and things that go over your head. You’ll potentially be a little frustrated either by your body or the method one session, and feeling like you totally “get it” the next. And this can continue for months – maybe even years. I once had a client who was so willing to commit, she actually did privates for six months that were really only about finding her pelvis and breathing. She was always trying to “figure it out” intellectually. I would get so frustrated and think – I just can’t teach her – but she put faith in me and we eventually figured out how she could let go with her brain and let the work teach her. She was amazing.

That might be the next important thing that comes very hard in the process. Pilates is like nothing you’ve ever done, so you have to let go of everything you know or think you know and just do the work. I only work with intelligent people, so this is sometimes really difficult. But I find often that my physicians, body workers, and interestingly enough attorneys have the hardest time with this. My engineers somehow get it the quickest. I think because they operate from a mechanical brain and they just do the mechanics and their body tells them what is right and starts to signal them.

The final step in all of this comes down the road – it’s learning how to really work – how to dig in and find that difficult place and embrace it. And that is where the learning from your mistakes really comes in handy.

I’ve been doing Pilates for well over a decade – teaching for over seven years. I still make so many mistakes – both in teaching and in learning Pilates. But hopefully I learn each day from my mistakes.  

Running my business is the same. I’ve learned that I can’t pursue a client – they have to call me – they have to be ready. I’ve learned that people don’t always honor their contracts and that sometimes losing those people opens the door to a client who desperately needs me. I’ve learned that Pilates brings the most amazing people in my life and that getting to spend a few hours a week with them gives me so much more than a “paycheck.” But I’ve also learned that I have to do what is right for me at the same time I do what’s right for the client. And I’ve learned that patience is truly a virtue and that making mistakes is part of being successful and thriving. And I’ve learned all of these things by having the proverbial bugs eat my roses.

So tomorrow I’ll wake up to a new week for polaspilates and those of you who are a part of what makes polaspilates so valuable and I’ll try my hardest to remember to spray the roses first.

So my question for you is, who do you hate? And we’ll back it up and assume you don’t wish anyone dead, but who do you dislike so profoundly that he/she can make your blood pressure rise or your jaw clench just by the mere mention of their name or their presence at an event?

If you cannot come up with a soul who fires you up in all the wrong ways, super! I can truthfully admit that I there is nobody on the planet that I “hate” – nobody who consistently pushes my buttons in a way that I feel those telltale signs of anger and venom.

If you can bring to mind a neighbor, colleague, boss, former friend or lover, teacher, or family member who causes a profound physical reaction, you are thinking – good for you Marcia. Well actually, it is good for me for so many reasons.

Hatred (we’re going to use that word and assuming Judy’s definition doesn’t apply) is toxic. It does physical and emotional damage. It takes you out of the moment. It is unattractive. It drains your energy and spirit. And frankly, it damages your psyche, relationships, reputation and ability to thrive much more than it ever could the person you hate.

The physical damage seems obvious. When you get a whole lot of hate going, your body tenses. I can actually see it in clients when they are upset about an altercation they had prior to class. Their body locks up and they can’t possibly use it correctly. That tension can last days. I’ll see it in shoulders and necks, but it’s even more profound in their backs and rib cage. For some reason, maybe it’s a protective mode, we lock our ribcage upward when we’re in this emotional state. Add the spike in blood pressure, the locked jaw and accompanying headache and you are under physical stress. The other piece we don’t think about is how ugly it makes us. Not just for the moment we are reacting (picture the tensed face) but those are lines we are going to keep!

Think back on how you feel after one of those reactions have passed. Kind of depleted and exhausted right? There goes your energy. And how long does it take you to shake that pall that is cast over everything? Because when we are in that hyper-negative place, it colors everything. We react or over react to the smallest things. We strike out at people who we normally would treat with kindness. We have what I think of as “spill-over.” Let’s face it, if you are deep in the emotions of hating someone, you aren’t open to any of the good things that could be right in front of your face.

And that brings us to the living in the moment issue. I would guess that if you hate someone, it’s because of a past event or history you have with them. They either slighted or hurt you in some profound manner at one point in the past, or they continuously created enough bad will over a long period of time that you see them and react. It is rare that whatever you are reacting to in the moment (let’s say they crashed a lunch or blew your project out of the water) is really enough to make you so angry. It’s the source and the past that you are responding to. In other words, you are nowhere close to the moment.

We look foolish and childish when we are hating. We appear unprofessional and petty. We aren’t showing our best self and let me tell you friends, people remember a drama tantrum, an irrational response or an over the top dislike longer than they remember witnessing generosity. And this impacts how we are viewed by others.

So what do you do about all of this? How do you diffuse a situation or stop yourself from being impacted by all the negatives that come with a good dose of hatred? Simply put, you have to forgive. You have to let go and you have to try to find a way to either avoid the target of your worst emotions or find a way to coexist not just peacefully, but without emotion.

In order to forgive, I think we have to both recognize the role we’ve played in the destructive relationship and to see that other person as something more than a  two dimensional villain. For me, that was recognizing that just as I have many flaws and weaknesses, so does my personal villain. I have to recognize that maybe whatever incident that started the conflict is only visible from my perspective. And I need to simply let it go and move on.

Face it, you don’t actually “hate” anyone. There is nobody on the planet that you would wish unimaginable pain and suffering. And the only person you are hurting is yourself. So take an afternoon or an evening to be rational and determined and in your heart and your head forgive that person. Then the next time you come into contact with them, just let that be how you lead with your actions. My guess is that if you do that a few times, they will start responding to you differently. And if they don’t, perhaps you can approach them with some empathy because they obviously aren’t happy. But either way, you’ll be able to relish in the fact that you are no longer letting someone else have that kind of control over you.