ServicesOur MissionFAQAbout UsContact
As the New Year approaches we can’t help but think about change. The things we want to change in our lives, the things we need to change in our lives, the things that will change around us, like it or not.
I fancy myself a pretty powerful woman and in a perfect world, would like to believe that I have control over every aspect of the universe. Of course, I know that there is virtually nothing in the universe I actually have control over! Well, that is with the exception of me.
I’ve learned over the past few years that I can control my universe by way of my thoughts, actions and beliefs. But I need to stress that it’s my universe I control with those things – not yours. You see, I’ve finally figured out that there are things I can and cannot control and that I’m much happier if I let go of the things out of my control.
Some examples may be in order here… My body, how I use it, what I put in it, how I treat it and as a result of those things – how it looks, feels and behaves is all in my control. My happiness – how I decide to start every day, who I include in my life, how I spend my days, and how I respond to people, places and events are all in my control. How I view myself and speak to myself – in my control. Everything and everyone outside that – I have no control over. I cannot change who you are, how you behave, how you live your life or treat yourself – at best, if you are a client I can try to teach you how to treat your body and by way of how I care for you – show you by example how such a beautiful and amazing human being deserves to be treated. If you are a friend/loved one – I cannot change anything about you – but I can accept you for who you are, recognize that it’s not my job to change anything about you or how you live your life – just my job to include you in my life and love you the best I can. And if your behavior, lifestyle, or treatment of me is having a negative impact on me – make the decision to exclude you from my life. I can’t change how you feel about me – make anyone (who doesn’t) like, love or respect me and frankly, neither can you. But we can decide not to worry about those people and focus instead on the individuals who want to be a part of our lives. Make sense? Of course it does. It’s simple common sense.
How does this apply to the New Year? In more ways than you can imagine. I listen to and watch the world around me make resolutions – all the things we are going to change or do in the New Year to make our lives, our minds, our bodies better and it seems like we make those resolutions with a hopefulness but without any real conviction that we will succeed. Well, I am here to tell you that if you resolve to make changes – and you are only trying to change things you can control – you will succeed. Don’t focus on things outside your control, but if you are going to resolve to do something, do it. And not just on January 1, 2010 or February 1, 2010 – but every single minute of every day starting now. Decide to make a change and make it a focus of your life – don’t let things get in your way and become excuses. Take a long, hard look at your life, your person and resolve to love your mind, body and spirit more and to make the changes you need to make to be the happiest you can be. I am living proof that you can do anything you set your mind to – as long as you don’t try to change things outside your control. So if you can’t change it – let it go and if you can – starting this moment – get it done.
Do what you believe. That was my advice to a friend this weekend as we discussed a mini-crisis of faith she was having about her teaching style. She had received some feedback that threw her a curve and had her questioning everything she thought she knew. I was the perfect person to call in the midst of this because let me tell you, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.
When I first moved back to Denver, I had the experience of teaching in many of the great studios our city has to offer. I was invited in to build classes, to build programs, to sub for existing teachers and/or to become a part of already tight and formed teams. It was horrible and I was miserable because nobody in the Denver area teaches the same style of Pilates that I do. Sure there are a few similarities and some like-minded individuals – but I was trying to fit my belief system into other styles and lineages. It simply didn’t work because I so strongly believe in what I teach. I could and do learn from other instructors and work what I learn into my style – evolving that style as I grow and learn. But I couldn’t give up what I believe. It was that simple.
Once I accepted that I had to stop trying to be someone or something I’m not, I was not just happier – but I began to find “my people.” The people I am the right instructor for – and that is how polaspilates in its current form has continued to evolve in Denver.
This same experience of trying to be something I’m not has always been a recipe for failure for me. In my previous career (although some would say I was successful – I was unhappy and to me that’s failure), in relationships, in how I care for myself. Every time I stop listening to my inner voice – to what I believe – I make a wrong turn.
What do you believe? Do you have a spiritual belief system? Do you have people or things you believe in? Do you believe in yourself and that you can do anything you put your mind to? Maybe as you prepare for the holidays this week (or are in the midst of the holidays I should say), you can write down some of what you believe and use it as your guide to staying true to yourself.
So what do I believe? Well, I believe in myself first and foremost – that hasn’t always been the case, but it’s a strong part of who I am and keeping my center and balance in my life today. I believe in something bigger than me – call it spirituality – but I know that there are forces in the universe more powerful than me. I believe in the power of Pilates – to change lives – to change bodies – to impact minds and spirits. I believe in positive thinking – that when I put good energy out into the world – it comes back to me one hundred fold. I believe in the power of a kind word, a smile and a hug to change someone’s entire day. I believe in true love – not just romantic true love – but true love between parents and children and friends and that we all have so much love at our fingertips if we simply open our eyes and hearts to it. I believe in romance – but that the most romantic things come from the heart and from really knowing your partner. I believe in the power of the human spirit to survive almost anything and the power of the human body to heal. I believe that people do change – but also that you can’t change anyone but yourself. I believe that laughter really is the best medicine – but an hour of cardio, a cup of tea or a glass of wine don’t hurt any either. I believe few things compare to a really great kiss, the kind that makes your toes curl. I believe most people are inherently good – if given a chance to be so. I believe that unconditional love and acceptance do exist. I believe in forgiveness and that the most difficult thing is to forgive ourselves. I believe in miracles, Santa Clause, and that black really does make you look thinner. I believe that sunny days are a gift – even when you live in a state with over 300 of them a year! I believe you can find beauty in almost anything – if you really look. I believe that my sister Judy is all powerful and can make anything happen! I believe that it’s much easier to tell the truth than to lie. I believe that sometimes you simply have to let go – of people, things or ideas in order to allow space for what you really need. And I believe in the power of a great, deep breath to make everything okay again.
So take a breath – have a cup of tea or a glass of wine – and do what you believe. I promise you won’t go wrong if you do. Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah my friends – and when in doubt – be certain that I believe in you.
My clients have started working on their New Year’s resolutions. One in particular has decided to make a major change in the direction she takes her resolutions. You see, in the past, like many people, she’s always made a resolution to take on something she considers unpleasant or difficult. The standards have always applied – exercise, diet, spending, language, smoking – you get the drift and I bet you’ve made similar resolutions more times than you can count.
This year she is resolving to do more of things she enjoys. More time with friends, more time for herself and as she stated the other day very specifically, more sex.
I was thrilled when I heard all of this and as usual, the thing that keeps popping into my brain throughout the week is usually my inspiration for the Monday blog. This idea of resolving to do more of what makes you happy is pretty interesting to me.
Last year, in early November I resolved to simply work on taking the best care of myself possible – every day. In order to keep this resolve, I started making decisions differently. I measured decisions by if they fell into line with taking care of me – and if they didn’t – I said no whenever possible. I have to say that with a few exceptions, I haven’t missed the mark on a single decision and I’ve had a year with an abundance of joy and few regrets.
My question is – can you say the same? What did you resolve last year and how well did you keep your resolve? Did you create more pressure with your resolutions and another reason to be disappointed in yourself? In other words, did you set yourself up to succeed or to fail?
If you’ve been reading my blog, you know how I feel about setting yourself up to succeed. But let’s revisit that idea. If you have children or employees– I would assume you try to always set them up to succeed. You play to their strengths, encourage and reward them for the things they do well. But do you treat yourself as well? What if your New Year’s resolution was to set yourself up to succeed? How about resolving to do more of the things you find energizing and joyful. This could mean you shut out the world from 9-11 every Wednesday night to read, you and a friend make a regular weekly coffee date, you take yourself to the movies or make your favorite food (even if it’s something decadent like a pie) and eat it once a month. Are you getting it? Resolve to have more of the things that make you smile and happy – things that make you feel like you are at your best. I’ll bet if you make this resolution and can stick with it through February – this time next year you’ll find you kept your resolution for the entire year.
I’ll predict something else, if you make resolutions like this, it will be easier to work in the things that are difficult but good for you – your nutrition, your exercise routine, smoking-cessation. So go ahead, resolve to have more sex – somehow, I bet it won’t be as hard as getting up at 5 am for that morning run!
I moved this past Friday. It wasn’t the smoothest or easiest move I’ve ever made. It began with news a few weeks ago that my friend/landlord of the last few years was finally being transferred back to Denver. Great news – except for the fact that I loved my little house in the trees and suddenly added a house hunt and move to my “to do” list!
So off to the races I went. Four days and 30 apartments later, I had a new place to hang my hat. Two weeks, lots of packing paper and boxes later, the movers were arriving in the morning. Earlier in the week, we had temps in the 60s with bright sunshine. Wednesday it started to snow – not a lot of snow – but snow all the same and cold weather. It snowed again on Thursday and got colder. Friday morning it was five degrees below zero – close to record lows. The movers and I sprinkled gallons of driveway melt to make their runs up and down the three flights of stairs as safe as possible. And then we realized that a car was parked blocking the back gate to the house. Search as we did, we couldn’t find the neighbor who belonged to the car (later learning her battery had died and she had gotten a ride to work – seems her day wasn’t going well either) – so they maneuvered around her car and squeezed through the gate as they loaded the truck. Two or so hours later we all arrived at my newly painted new pad. We walked in together and all three guys from the moving team stopped dead in their tracks – nobody made a noise – then one of them said, “My mother would love that color.” You see, the paint didn’t turn out. Instead of a lovely St. Tropez Sand – I had unfortunate peach walls. I was trying to believe it wasn’t as bad as I thought – it seems I was wrong – it was worse. Next, one of my friends showed up. She walked in and said, “Oh God, that’s the ugliest color I’ve ever seen.” I promptly burst into tears.
The rest of the day was a whirl of cleaning the old place, hearing the cable guy’s thoughts on the bad peach walls, and unpacking. It was a miserable day with misplaced boxes, the wrong things put in storage and eventually, bleeding knuckles on my part from the cold, the cleaning and the unpacking. I fell into bed exhausted.
Saturday morning I woke early and finished unpacking, took the boxes out to the recycle and phoned my sister Judy. I shared the entire story with her and by now was looking at my disgusting peach walls and laughing. Hours more of scrubbing the driveway melt from the floors at the old place and I was back in my new “home” with a friend on her way to help. By 6:30 all the pictures were hung and the furniture was rearranged. Sunday morning began with Pilates and continued with a lovely 11-year-old friend helping me put together my kitchen chairs and arrange my books. After she left, I finished putting things away and then went walking for an hour in the snow in my fabulous neighborhood.
So the move is done and on my third night here, everything is more or less in a place if not in place. There are no more boxes – full or empty and although the walls are still peach – after the holidays I’ll buy some paint, tape everything off and fix it.
Friday began with worry, inconvenience, mishaps and tears. But as the weekend progressed, once I was able to laugh at myself, it was filled with lovely friends and loving phones calls from adoring family members – with unexpected dinner deliveries and lots of hugs. And all of that shifted my perspective to make what felt like an ending into a beginning.
I guess the point to my story is that sometimes we all have those days – or those things in our days that silly as they may be – feel like the end of the world. But if we can just push through it, in the morning, if we can see past the ugly peach paint – we’ll again find the bluest sky and a world of possibilities. There are all kinds of things in life that put stress on our little bodies and souls – moving, and/or creating a new home is just one of them. But in the midst of all my “doing” and worrying and mishaps, I lost sight for a moment that my life isn’t beautiful because of the home I live in – it’s beautiful because of the people who fill it and because I chose to believe that every day will bring an abundance of joy to my door – even if on the other side of that door the walls are an unfortunate peach.